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Your Fertile Journey
Prepare your Heart for Conception
Open to change to allow for healing.
By the time patients find their way to our office, they've usually been told many disappointing messages and given an infertility diagnosis or lack thereof by a doctor. Maybe they haven't made it that far, but the frustration of repeated negative pregnancy tests has led them to invent their own negative beliefs about why they're not conceiving.
Most of the time, nobody really knows the answer. That's part of the beauty and part of the frustration. Whether the baby is made the old fashioned way or in a lab, magic will always be an essential secret ingredient. So they can stick cameras and dyes and all sorts of spy gear up into that sacred space, but still nobody really knows if you're eggs are "bad", exactly how many are left, or whether the situation can change. It's not like at the supermarket where the eggs' shells are visibly broken, they may smell funny, and are separated by the dozens. With humans, it's all just speculation on everyone's part. And nobody has that secret magic ingredient that can guarantee the miracle of conception.
But because you're going to the doctor and paying for an explanation, they're going to give you one to the best of their ability. And then they'll plan treatment accordingly. In some ways, you may be relieved to have an explanation. Or further frustrated if you're told it's "unknown." And while everyone's intentions are good, you may be left with what feels like a sad diagnosis that you keep repeating to yourself over and over like a mantra. Then you hypnotize your body, your mind, and your spirit with this message.
"You have old eggs."
"We don't know why you're not conceiving."
"Unexplained infertility." It's just a mystery. (In other words, maybe you're cursed.)
"You have a 10% chance (or worse) of conceiving."
"Don't get your hopes up."
"Your eggs are bad."
"Low sperm count."
"Poor sperm quality.
"Your eggs are like those of a woman 10 years older."
"Your tubes are blocked."
"You have a lazy ovary."
"You have polycystic ovaries."
"Your FSH is high."
"Your progesterone is low."
"Your going into early menopause."
Etc. Etc.
Each time you think and say this thought, you're probably having a stressful emotional response. In fact, you may be having a stressful (sad, angry, frustrated, anxious) emotional response each time you think about a baby, sex, or any other trigger that reminds you of your diagnosis or beliefs regarding your fertility.
Our brains, being the body's control tower, send messages to the body through a series of chemical reactions. Each thought creates a chemical response. If a thought is repeated several times, a chemical pathway is forged, much like consistent running water will eventually carve a river making it more likely that all surrounding water will follow that same path. Eventually, our bodies change physiologically in response to these deep-rooted thoughts and beliefs. Our brain chemistry changes with these thoughts and so alters the chemical state of cells throughout the body, thus affecting our health.
Words have power.
So these discouraging words regarding your reproductive health may fan the flames. This is why it's important to neutralize those words with positive messages. By repeating positive messages to oneself (yourself), you rewire your brain, so to speak, and therefore you rewire your overall health. Or at least prevent exacerbating the condition. The term "infertility" reinforces a disease state, which is why I will always say fertility when speaking of the matter so as to focus on healing rather than feeling permanently broken, regardless of the outcome.
Positive messages aren't meant to deny the reality of the situation or replace treatment. The diagnosis is necessary so that you're informed and empowered to take action. They also aren't meant to deny or feel guilty about your feelings either. It is important to acknowledge and allow your feels (feelings) so that they may be released rather than stored in your body thus causing more tension.
Positive messages promote change. By changing your brain chemistry to respond with a cascade of happy chemicals, you will be physically healthier and mentally more motivated to respond with actions that support positive change, like eating better and exercising.
Positive messages prevent you from becoming attached to the diagnosis or negative belief. It is not denial, but by remaining unattached, you allow for change. You're open to the possibility that your body knows how to resume balance.
Opening to change allows for HEALING.
Practice:
Part 1.) Answer by writing in your journal the following questions:
What beliefs do you have about your fertility?
What messages have you received from doctors, others, or yourself?
What triggers your thoughts about your fertility (sex, babies, pregnant women, your spouse, etc.)?
What feelings arise from these triggers?
Do you notice any physical response with these feelings? If so, what are they?
Part 2.) Practicing Positive Affirmations
After the first exercise, you should be more aware of the negative beliefs you've been telling yourself about your fertility. Now you can neutralize those beliefs by creating positive messages. You can write your own or choose from some examples below.
Instructions:
Always state positive affirmations in the present. (I am healing. vs. I will heal.)
Always state positive affirmations in the positive. (I am healthy. vs. I am not sick.)
Keep affirmations simple. It is easier to create new positive pathways with simple messages for the brain to integrate.
Write your positive messages on notes to be placed around your home or work so that you will see them repeatedly throughout the day. Sticking them on mirrors is a great way to see the messages often. The more often they're repeated, the sooner and stronger the new chemical pathways will be carved. You can even write the messages down several times in your journal.
Use just 1-3 affirmations at a time. Don't overwhelm yourself with too many at once. If you feel you're ready to move on to a new affirmation, do so.
Below are some examples. If you'd like help creating your own positive affirmations, please let me know. I'd be happy to help you.
Examples:
I trust my body.
New balance is coming to my body now.
I allow new beginnings in my life.
I am now a loving parent to myself.
I allow my body to do its job.
I choose a healthy lifestyle that enhances my fertility.
I choose healthy foods every day.
I love my new healthy lifestyle.
I express my feelings and share them with my partner.
I welcome my time to be a parent.
I manifest my decision to have a baby.
I am nurturing my eggs and womb.
I am full of life.
I experience a profound connection to the miracle of life.
I am creating new healthy sperm now.
My hormones are regulating.
I support my health, my feelings, myself.
Part 3.) Integration
Read first then practice:
When you have 5-10 minutes of uninterrupted, get seated comfortably in a quiet location. Take a minute to come into your body by focusing on your breath. Don't try to change your breathing, just notice how it feels coming in and going out. Notice your belly moving with each breath. Feel the sensation of blood in your hands. Notice your heartbeat.
After you've settled into your body, think about the negative beliefs you've accumulated regarding your health. Notice what sensations occur in your body when thinking these thoughts. Does your belly tighten? Your breath become more shallow? Your heart beat faster? Your shoulders raise in tension?
Now repeat the positive affirmations you've chosen. Again, notice how your body responds to these thoughts? Do you feel lighter? Are you smiling? Do you take deeper breaths?
Repeat the positive messages a few more times and relax in this state.
Thank you for being open to trying this exercise. I hope it helps you during your healing process. Please share your experience with others. I welcome all feedback so that I may refine these exercises to be most supporting during patients' journey to conceive.
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